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  • Writer's pictureLois Mills

My Half Husband... aka the man I'm glad I never married.


Hello again, my friends. It is I, Lois Mills, welcoming you to another installment of my Silver and Sensational blog.


Today, we're concluding our series on my divorces. If you haven't already, be sure to read the posts about my first and second marriages. It might help what I went through in this post make more sense.


This week, we're diving into the final chapter: my third significant relationship and "half marriage." Make sure to check out our YouTube video for a deeper dive into this topic.


A middl-age woman on a golf course holding a golf club wearing an all white golfing outfit.

Husband Number 3

As we’ve journeyed through my past relationships, it’s clear I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs. In my first marriage, we saw how inexperience and mismatched expectations led to an abrupt end. The second marriage, though seemingly better, also ended in disappointment as patterns repeated and passion was lacking. In this relationship, my "half-husband," all my bad experiences with men (and my mother) culminated into one person. The "Half," which I so lovingly refer to, was a long-term, live-in relationship that I never legalized—wisely, I might add. Today, I want to talk about this half marriage, which, in hindsight, was probably the most destructive relationship I've ever had.



Patterns and Realizations

Looking back, I see a clear pattern in my relationships. I often chose partners who resembled my mother in many ways. With this particular gentleman, I used to joke that I had found my mother in drag. After being alone for 14 years, I decided I didn't want to be alone anymore and settled for the one who was there at the time.


Lowering the Bar

This relationship was marked by constant lying and deceit. It took me years to realize the extent of his dishonesty. I kept lowering my expectations, and he kept meeting the new, lower standards. I justified staying by telling myself I didn't need him for various things. Eventually, I found myself feeling sorry for him, which kept me trapped in a toxic cycle.


A Turning Point

The relationship ended when he decided to move back to his home state. Interestingly, I found out about his decision not from him, but from a caddy at the golf club. His departure was a relief. Unlike my previous relationships, I didn't cry when he left. Instead, I felt liberated.


A middle-age woman on a beach during sunrise looking off into the distance.


Lessons Learned

This experience taught me several important lessons:

  1. Recognize Patterns: I realized I had a pattern of choosing partners who mirrored negative traits from my past. Understanding this helped me break the cycle.

  2. Value Yourself: I learned to see my worth and not settle for less than I deserve. It's better to be alone than in a harmful relationship.

  3. Self-Reflection: Therapy and self-reflection helped me understand my choices and fears, particularly the fear of abandonment that kept me in destructive relationships.

  4. Embrace Solitude: I discovered that I thrive better on my own. Being single isn't something to fear; it's an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.


Moving Forward

Divorce and breakups can be incredibly painful, but they also offer a chance to start anew. If you're going through a tough time, remember that it's okay to make mistakes. Learn from them and use those lessons to build a better future.

No matter how put-together someone seems today, it likely took years of struggle and learning to get there. Be kind to yourself and take one step at a time.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.


In the next blog post, I will share my concluding thoughts on these relationships as well as advice to those of you thinking of dipping your toe back into the dating world after a divorce or significant loss. Until then, let's continue to support each other and grow together.


To dive deeper into this topic, be sure to watch my YouTube video where I share more personal insights and practical advice on thriving post-divorce. Click here to watch.


Until next time, take care and stay Sensational!


🤍,

Lois

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